Curley's Wife

Confidence is something that I have struggled with. Playing someone who knows absolutely no bounds, and had no questions as to whether or not she can succeed, is challenging to me. I mean, some of her interactions with people are ones that I would only have if there was a substantial amount of liquor in me to mask my embarrassment. She is an extrovert to an extreme, whether she is played innocently or with more sexual intention. In many ways, I envy her for that. In preparing to go in stage, I chant to myself in my head "you have an OBSCENE amount of confidence! It oozes out of your skin and puddles in your heels! I mean, just look at you!" I think the thing that fascinates me most about her is her ability to talk to men so easily while still being so young. I think back to my interactions with men that I have found attractive and shudder. I can get dolled up. I can put on a face and a dress but when it comes time to actually talk, I know that all I can expect from myself is a goofy face, a laugh that is really too loud and obnoxious for any room, and a hope to God that he is "in" to that kind of stuff. She glides through her flirtatious conversations with men as easily as a greased pig slides down a slip-and-slide. She's perky, graceful, easy, while still being enthusiastic.

Tomorrow we open, and I have been thinking about her constantly. Her attitude toward life, toward reading, toward future, and marriage, and children. She haunts me when I put on makeup or have a negative thought about myself. While she'd be thinking something along the lines of, "I don't think anyone has looked this beautiful in their entire existence", I am thinking "well, this is absolutely as good as it's going to get... Damn". The more I learn about her, the more I like her. I know she is made out to be the antagonist in many ways, but I have grown to love this young girl. I believe she wasn't purposefully messing things up. She wanted out of that life just as much as those men did, and the only power that she has at all is her sexuality. She wasn't looking to pork every guy she met on the farm, she was looking for someone who would fall in love with her and take her away from Curly, his dad, and that goddamned ranch. 

In truth, she misses her mom. Arguments and all, she misses her mother and her hometown friends. She may not want to go home and stay there, but she misses the feeling of "home" and "safe". The ranch is not home. The ranch is not safe. I think that she thinks she will step into the movie business and start making more money than she'll know what to do with, and with that money, she can create her own home.

Her very own safe place.

-Meghan Burnham